heat of the moment.

"rage was sometimes a useful ally in the heat of a fight, but it was a trickster.
it made everything seem possible"
                                                       -jonathan maberry, dust and decay





it's ironic how pure sadness makes your fingertips go numb and unadulterated rage makes your fingertips simmer.

i'm kind of stuck in a limbo between the two, and i can't say that they cancel each other out. if anything, they multiply in exponents and make your knees go weak. i'm not trying to get lyrical, that's quite literally the case.

i woke up at 10am after drifting off to sleep at 7am. i didn't try moving until half hour later, after i had closed my eyes and calmed myself the best i could. i was all wobbly legs and scorching palms and it's taking everything in me not to let out my anger the way i used to.

 playing the victim when you're at fault is just sick. not being able to genuinely own up to something- thinking an empty apology is enough- that's sick. guilt tripping someone and killing every bit of good they had in themselves is the sickest thing anyone can do.

but at least now i know what happened with everyone else. now, after so long, i can see their point of view.

but let me tell you, the grass really is greener on the other side.
and i'm not ever coming back.